Sleep Together

In a traditional marriage, before you are to say “I do” you’re supposed to meet with a counselor or the person who is marrying you to discuss a few things. You know, why we love each other, if we think we can make our relationship work, and the usual reasons why people get divorced. When the preacher who married my husband and I sat down to talk to us about these things I honestly didn’t think it applied to me. I mean, Trace and I had been living together for months before we got married. We knew how we wanted our finances to be, what our biggest differences were and how to communicate effectively. Out of all the things he told us the one thing I didn’t take seriously is the first real problem in our marriage.

Sleeping together. Nothing dirty. Nothing Naughty. Just the true meaning of sleeping together.

Because of the month long winter break from school Trace and I have been trying to work more so that we can work less when school starts. And since we’re both in the restaurant world it means sleepy mornings and busy nights. If Trace and I work together at all we don’t get to see each other. But that’s on the rare occasion that we work at the same time. Ninety percent of the time when I’m starting to go home, he is making his way into work. And I’m so tired from running all over the store when I get home that I can barely make it past 12 anymore. Which is close to 30 minutes before Trace gets home most nights. And of course when he gets home he wants to wind down just as I did hours before when I got home.

Call me crazy, but I don’t like sleeping alone. I’ve found myself waking up at 3 A.M. frantically feeling around for a warm body and coming up dry. I can’t quite explain it, I felt like if Trace wasn’t there I couldn’t go back to sleep. I just couldn’t.

Kenny (Our preacher)  told us before we got married, “Never go to bed at different times, when she goes to bed, you go too. Because when you go at separate times you miss out on important time together.” Kenny went on, “It’s not about sex or anything like that. It’s about having time to reconnect after your day.” At the time I honestly didn’t understand what he was talking about. There is nothing wrong with staying up a littler later and Trace getting in his video game time. Especially since we usually spend a good portion of our time together during the school year. But as our marriage grows longer I am beginning to realize the things Kenny talked to us about that I just tossed to the side truly have meaning.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert but there is something special about turning the lights off and stumbling into bed with your husband followed by a tell all about your day.

Why Not Now?

Trace and I have only been married for two and a half AMAZING months. We seriously never thought being married would be so great.– But honestly the one thing that I am continually surprised at is peoples reactions to finding out that we are married.

In October, I got married at the barely legal and barely respectable age of nineteen years old. During my courtship, engagement, and short marriage, I’ve been asked time and time again questions like, “Why get married so young? What’s the rush? You’re just a baby, you can’t get married!”, and my personal favorite, “You should have waited and enjoyed your life!”

Most of the people who asked these questions were strangers but some were even family and friends.

To be honest comments like this offend me. And rightfully so. You don’t say to a young mother “Don’t you wish you wouldn’t have had the baby?” Some things are just inappropriate to say.

Even though I am a woman who speaks her mind, I never quite know how to defend myself to the ones questioning my marriage. Mostly because I am caught off guard when people ask about it and partly because I don’t want to offend people I have just met with my comments. But here are a few of my personal reasons for getting married at nineteen years old.

We grew up together.

We have went to the same school since we were in kindergarten. We played football together in middle school (Yes, I was a tomboy). We were each others first kiss in the 6th grade. When people ask me how I know that Trace was the one it really just comes down to the fact that I know him. And I have known him almost as long as he has been alive.

Our families really like each other.

Ask any couple new or old what some of their problems are and it is almost a guarantee that in-laws will be a topic. We were blessed with parents who get along with each the others parents. This may not seem like a big thing to some people, but that fact that we had a combined Thanksgiving this year with his parents and mine saved us a lot of headaches and travel.

We were ready.

Trace and I had lived together since we were Seniors in high school. Most people didn’t know it but by the time we had been dating for 3 months he had completely moved into my parents house. After we graduated high school, we went to the same college and in our second semester we moved out of my parents house and got out first apartment. So, in all we had been living together for almost as long as we dated. Why not get married?

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When it comes down to it, Trace and I made a choice for us to get married at nineteen. Couples make decisions for themselves to get married for their own reasons. No one should have to justify their marriage to another person for any reason.